Coffee Savior

Was this his plan? The man who invented the 24 hour coffee shop, did he intend for me to be up at 1:30 in the morning playing typershark on the internet? (By the way, according to typershark, I can type somewhere between 60 and 70 words a minute. That's about 65 sharks a minute!) I want to think the better of this man, or woman. Maybe he saw those poor students sitting at their desks in their dorm room windows, rubbing their eyes as their heads drooped down to their textbooks, and decided to spare them their misery by offering them caffeine at all hours of the night. He imagined them slouching into the coffee shop in the wee hours of the morning, piles of books in their arms, and finding their caffeinated salvation after only parting with a five to eight dollar indulgence. The coffee shop as a source of academic resurrection.

Honestly, this seems a little unlikely to me. Whoever came up with that crackpot theory probably needs to shut up about now.........Butanyway I'm not a student. I have no reason to stay up until 2:00 in the morning. That's the whole reason I haven't gone back to school yet:, to catch up on some sleep. But along comes the 24 hour starbucks, offering a supposedly noble sanctuary for students, and now I'm up at two o'clock in the morning writing a stupid essay about coffee. No, the guy who invented the 24 hour coffee shop was no visionary philanthropist, he was an evil coffee demon who wanted to get all the world addicted to his complicated caffeinated drinks. You can say that he was a good man, trying to protect students from a good nights sleep and a late paper, but if he were really so holy, he would have been a little more pithy. All great men are. Look at Jesus and Ghandi. Jesus summed up the ten commandments in two sentences, and I can't remember anything that Ghandi said. They would never have invented a menu that required a decoder ring and a dictionary. No, this man's motive was money. You know, Star-bucks. And becuase Mr. Starbuck or whoever invented the 24 hour coffee shop was so greedy, I stayed up until 2:30 in the morning writing this idiotic little rant.


Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Did some "Two beer Queer" drink a sip of coffee and write this rant about 24 hour coffee shops? The 24 hour coffee shop is providing an invaluable service to those that are trying to accomplish something in the world. So instead of writing useless blogs, maybe you should do the same.

Anonymous said...

I think one of your advertisements caused my internet browser to resize, you might want to put that on your blacklist.