Don't believe everything you hear

unless you hear it on NPR. Then believe it. I believe everything I hear on NPR. You think I’m joking. NPR is the artery of information from the pumping heart of the world straight to my ear. Some crazy senator may be telling us all how the public radio powers that be want to fill our minds with a liberal agenda, but then he sent Fox News to help NPR deal with his bias, proving that he is completely nuts. You want fair and balanced, listen to NPR. You want some crackpot telling you how George Bush is going to save us from the Aliens, watch Fox News.

No, whatever the crazies tell me, I know, NPR is the voice of God. Sitting in my car, blaring NPR out the windows, surrounded by familiar voices, I know exactly what is going on in the world. I may not know what Condoleeza Rice looks like, but I know exactly what she said yesterday. Morning Edition, All things Considered, This American Life, Fresh Air, Day to Day, Marketplace, All Songs considered. This is where I get my news, hear my funny stories, and get all my music recommendations (yes, NPR recommends Blackalicious). I want to be interviewed by Teri Gross. I wish Ira Glass were my best friend. Robert Siegel is my hero.

Now that I no longer have a job that allows me to listen to NPR for hours everyday, I'm lost. What's going on the world? What's the president's name again? How do people live without NPR? I wasn’t always addicted to NPR. But then I spent a summer working at a church, living with other church interns, one of whom listened to NPR for 5 hours a day. I would listen with her, and after a while, I found that I actually knew what was going on in the world. I sometimes even had opinions on those things. (My own, of course, not influenced in any way by the unbiased reporting on NPR). Just as informative, and a lot less time consuming than reading the news, I could do other things while I learned about the world. Exercise, play cards. Doodle. That’s how I discovered NPR, a whole world of stories and people and interesting facts. I started with All Things Considered. Just occasionally at first, but then I needed more and more. Eventually I discovered Morning Edition. When my job got really boring, I found This American Life. I listened to every show on the internet. This led to Day to Day. But still that didn’t satisfy my craving. I turned to the really hardcore stuff that no one listens to, like Speaking of Faith and The Infinite Mind. There are reasons no one listens to these shows. I’ve since stopped. But still, I need All Things Considered. I can’t live without This American Life. And so it’s one o’clock in the morning, and I’m listening to yesterdays Morning Edition on the internet.