Cookies Could Save Us

There are never enough cookies. Seriously.

If there were enough cookies, the world would be at peace. Cookies would end war. We'd all be so fat and full of cookies we'd just roll around, our soft hands too pudgy to grip our weapons, fingers too thick to pull the triggers of our guns.

We'd stop driving cars because we wouldn't be able to fit through the doors. We'd just roll ourselves down the streets to our neighbor's house or the local cookie store. The earth would breathe easy again no longer choked by our fossil fuels.

Our population growth would finally slow as we stuffed ourselves with butter and chocolate and delicious cookie dough and clogged our arteries, but we wouldn't mind. That's the way it is with cookies. They make you happy and round and soft. We'd live like children sitting on cushy living room couches, a glass of milk, a platter of our mother's cookies, our limbs and stomachs and faces still round with baby fat, peacefully watching cartoons. We'd die young and happy with cookie crumbs on our lips.

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